A different world between us two

Lovers are best friends. They share the same small room of thought and see the same things through the small window. After years and years, one needs to move on and you really don't have a choice to wait for others. It's like you have a boyfriend that already serves for the people while you're still stuck with tests, quizzes and assignments, serving no one else but yourself. 


Although you're running at your best speed, but still your pace is extremely slow. All you wish is to wake up tomorrow with a degree in your hand. But you realize that although you're using the highway, speeding at 180km/hr, there's still a long way to go. If you think you can manipulate the time, no, you don't have that kind of luxury. 

By time, you realize that now you're living in the small room alone. And you can see the friend walking on the road outside through the same small window. You feel that you're left behind. Different views, different principals and different needs. You think that he has changed. He's not the person once you fell in love with. He is now a man with countless commitments. And you feel that you're isolated. 



When you're excited that finally he seems to have a free time for both of you, he doesn't think so. When you ask him for a date, he is afraid to make a promise. When you think the two of you can meet after work, all he has in mind is home. When you have something in mind for weekend, he sounds not so comfortable with it. He says that he needs to rest. He says that he's going to do the laundry. He says that staying home can save up some money for the big day. Or he simply says that he's not available this weekend.


Whatever he tells you, it hurts you. When you ask, it hurts you more. It's pointless. You do what you don't want to do to suit him. And you know he's also trying. In the end, it hurts both of you. Living in a separate world is hard. There's nothing you can do about this. It's getting harder and more difficult. 

Although your brain can understand the situation, your heart just doesn't want to surrender to it. Who says the brain can control the heart? The heart wants what it wants. You are struggling so much until you feel that he doesn't treat you right, that you are taken for granted and you want your rights. All this while, you pretended to be OK with it. 

But sometimes, you're not really sure whether you have treat him well or not. You wonder what he's thinking and does he try his best to keep the sparks in the relationship. What if he really use all his strength left just to take you to dinner? When the brain finally takes over the heart, you realize that the answer has already been there. It's always give and take. 

This is the greatest law, better than what Sir Isaac Newton has taught us. 


2 comments:

Abdullah Zaini said...

(^_____^)

Anonymous said...

faezah, i feel the same too as your part. keep busy with something that we feel useless are hurting deep inside tau.