Today, 1st January 2010, I have another not-nice things to say about life. Hearing all those fire crackers from outside really gives me another wake up call. I know recently that I'm running out of ideas to write beautiful things rather than create a depressed surrounding.
I'm not feeling well today. So maybe my physical affects my emotional. When the clock stroked new year just now, I noticed that everyone lives and survives on top of other's miseries. When I want to cheer people, I am the one who being hurt. When I have to put myself back together, there'll be at least someone who I have to put aside. I've been called selfish many times. But they never help me to find the perfect solution. They are telling me the possible consequences of what I've done, that I should not on the first place choose the path that I've taken. But none of them has ever told me what to do for the sake of myself.
Don't they ever notice that I am fragile in many ways? I do keep many things to myself in the name of love and friendship. I think it's human who can't lead two opposite things to a single route and not even close to parallel. There're many times that I have to make a choice. Either it's left or right, up or down, somebody may gets hurt no matter which route I've decided to take, whether it's the person around me or just myself.
Sometimes, I feel like living in a bunch of enemies. They hurt me so much, so I make their life miserable in order for me to smile again. I may hurt them to the deepest point, so they act against me many times. Isn't we are all the same regarding this aspect?
I never want to make myself looks pathetic. Normally I would write generally. This time it's better to use the first person view since I am one of people who hurt and being hurt, other than to avoid problems and misunderstanding in the future.
This is like a circle. We can never go to different direction to avoid every point in a circle. What goes around comes back around. To people, I want to apologize for trouble that I caused. But I can't promise to not repeat my mistakes again.
Please somebody hit me with a point of view on how to satisfy both sides, other than just give and take. Right now, I'm just forcing myself to distinguish do's and don't depending on what my body can take. Things that lying in the middle just give me another headache and frustration. What's the problem of saying something out loud by the way?
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